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Released under the creative commons Deed Found at

Copyright June 29, 2006 By Joshua herman

Falling from Grace


my innocence

Wasting away

my time

on myself

Distracted by

the grace

of unrelenting

unrequited love

Then as I 

finally fell

While hearing

an angels 


call out 

to me

The noise 

With evil 



a soul

The choice 


had to make

Was either

to atone 

for my sins

or remain

in twisted 


Using false


I was put

in a place

to force 

the decision

my own (personal) 


firing squad 

I chose 


over delusions



wasn't lost

And my


was at 

my side

Notes from Zegota

I (am)

a sick man

Devoid of hope

Of passion

An unattractive


I know

my brain

is diseased

Let it degrade!

Let it rot!


still respect

modern medicine

I rather

reject it

and stop embracing

my struggles

So long

I have searched

for the sublime

and beautiful

So I shall flush

my medicine

Forget my


And lie


waiting for my 


to take 


And then

I shall be

truely lost

Since my passion

has died

I will

go along

with it.

libero dorma (italian for free will (for) sleep?)

While I 

felt my mind 


As I was turning

into dust

You cooled me

with memories

of your kindness 

And that

fixed me

by giving me 


And now 

that I

am still here

I am too fond

of you

to not tell 


how I feel

I hope

my poems

has helped me

share my gratitude

I wish I

could fall 


with you

As I 

put our 


in your hands

From nothing emerges an angel

When I

was at lunch

was sitting alone

Looking into 



came in 

floating like an angel

that I 

was waiting for

I see your

subtle curves

that are as smooth 

as silk


am imperfect

Without a pure

part inside

of me

In a place

that I 

never belonged to


gave me control

To stop the pain  

of being alone

I wish

you would notice

me a little more

I wish 

I could give back

to you

what you 

have given me

I hope

that you will never

feel alone

And you are a lifesaver

Now that I

know you


can believe 

in anything.

You have my eyes

(tinted skin remake??)


have my eyes

Looking at

your perfect skin

Or a body

that I drown in

So beautiful

that words barely

scratch the surface

That flirts

with my mind

And takes me to

foreign lands

But it is truly

that something I can tell

That makes you

what you are

And that is

Your kindness

the warm touch

that helps me realize

What I am

And carves

silky smooth

ripples in my mind

It is in these memories

that I cherish

And hope to revisit

Like a wind

at my back

And a friend

at my side

That something

(thoughts I hold of her)

That no one sees

 that I desire

Of suicide 


The age

of eye aversion

(At painted 


Has faded into 


And the obscene

Is merely things

That is found

In your local


And eden

is all around

For it is in

these pictures

That we find a beauty

(not all acknowledge)

better than blue


Break out of your

groupthinking shell

Eating away at

your mind

Making you drum

the beat of one

This is a wakeup


(from the internet)

From the collective


And we just want

you to look

(Here) Be Girlish Sins (of jenny)

May the path 

rise to your whim

As the wind 

blows at your back

(And even as the blessing

Of soft sweet rain

falls across your curves)

I remember how

The sun always shines

On your smooth face

As your hair glistens

(Like the flax

blowing in the wind) 

(on the plains)

While Living 

(your life)

Always remember

to forget

The bitter parts 

And never forget

to remember

The sweet parts

the blessed parts

And teach your children

These sacred blessings

As you watch your children's

children spread rich blessings

Desires of a pastry maker

Today at my day job,

Making pastries and rolls

 In the urban sprawl

 of this thin new city,

I wished I was a member of the old money,

My food liquefied by my butler;

Noting the sybolism in my Renior painting

And watching a private screening of Yes, Virginia

Where I am currently dating the lead actress.

Yet this daydream liquefies into nil

And I am faced with the reality

Of a "hum drum" existence

ANd I am forced to exchange old money

For a single cinnamon roll....

January Twenty-Second

The streetlights flickered and fade

with the steady beat of the city

as we walked down Harlem Avenue.

We had come for the theater;

My mother, still frugal, paid our way.

Our laughter echoes

As the jazzy music still rattles

In our step, in our minds

We hum the syncopated beat

On her giddy moment of play,

A young passerby stood on a dirty street corner

Twirling a balloon.

As I watch I slowly realize

The yearning within me

And how I am torn between two ideals

At eighteen, I am too old

To enjoy a single balloon,

Too young to enjoy drinks with my mother.

I stood there watching the cars go by,

The horns refusing to stay silent,

Loud as a thunderstorm.

White Office Sestina

In the white office sits a chair

Safe from the rain

Some company if given by a mouse

Who lives inside an old brown shoe

With a table made from, and eraser

A thimble as the mouse's hat

The mouse goes out looking for a new hat

Beyond his boundaries marked by the chair

Then he is startled by a falling eraser

From the sky like the rain

He wishes he was back in his shoe

Then he meets another mouse

This new friend a lost mouse

Far away from his house (a hat)

They both venture back to the shoe

In the white office with the chair

As you look outside the window there is rain

When they reach the shoe they sit at a eraser

They plan where they will go next, beside the eraser

They will find the home of the other mouse

Their pitter patter of their feet sounds like the rain

As they both travel with thimbles on their heads used as hats

Moving past the various office chairs

They can barely make out he shoe

As they depart in the distance stands the old brown shoe

They pass by an eraser

And come up to a chair.

Both of them rejoice like baby mouses

They finally reach their destination, a fedora hat

That has been barely touched by the rain

This dreary office lets in the rain

Unlike the white office with the shoe

The office does protect the fedora hat

That has many erasers

Both of them wish each other well (like a good mouse)

As the mouse departs for the old brown shoe near the chair

As we end this tale of chairs and mice

One lives in a shoe while the other a hat

We should all wish to be safe from the rain and to stay free from our erasures.

Thought Villanelle

I open my eyes and fight with my head

As my thoughts attempt to destroy me

Sometimes I wish that the world would end

I know if I could just mend

My wayward thoughts that twist and turn

I could open my eyes and not figtht with my head

But my thoughts go their on way instead

Thoughts which make no sense, I can't agree

Sometimes I wish that the wold would end

I want to flee the thoughts that I dread

To a time when life was full of glee

But I must open my eyes and fight with my head

At times I scream until my ears ring

Or wish I was a lime tree

Sometimes I wish that the world would end

Is life just a means to an end?

I need my mind true and free

I open my eyes and still fight with my heads

Always wishing that the world would end

Piercing Ring

The piercing ring of the cell phone destroys the silence

Nonstop chatter picks away at my peace

As I yearn for a quieter time

When I could read this battered book in peace

A silent moment is something to cherish

Like the echo of your own laughter

It calms, it relives, and it can inspire

Like a warm summer breeze

I wish to grab the next phone I see

And rip it apart pieced by piece

As vicious as a pack of wolves

There will be no more remains

Then I will have my peace;

(tranquility that is all my own) 

Enjoying the sound of silence


Perception is a powerful thing

It is in perception that we see ourselves,

and what we see in the world.

(it is in this that we base our lives)

Like a feeling that we hold onto,

when times aren't as fair.

Or the meaning of words on a page.

(secrets that we shall never tell)

Our perception reflects what we believe

What we know and what we value.

Truths that we hold dear to ourselves

and outlooks on what life means.

Experiences determine our perception

(like picking flowers on a warm day)

With the breeze carrying the petals away

As you sit beneath a fern tree

Our own unique personal look

On how we should live our lives

(what our dreams our made of

and how we feel inside)

Perception is a powerful thing

(Either seeing the day like a bright open morning

or a gloomy day filled with washed out clouds)

Composed of the interpretation from our sences,

with the values that we hold dear.

Perceptions is what makes us who we truely are,

and what determines what we can become.

Walking Across the Shores

Have you walked across the shores?

In the moonlight, while holding a gaze

That no one could break

Because you had that something

The thoughts of a plan of a life you might lead

And places you will go

The things you will do

Did you still remember them?

When heartbreak comes

And your judgment is clouded

While you carry regret and anger

Fury begotten from unbreakable feelings

Because of things you couldn’t control

And the tempest rose and destroyed those shores.

While time seemed to slow down

For your life almost escaped you

As you were washed away by the crashing waves 

But you survived it all

And the storm was gone when a calm begot the new land

And the only thing you had left

The only thing you carried with you were your dreams.

Rain Before

It’s the rain that you have felt from a day long past

Remembering the rhythm of a somber melody

You hear as the droplets caress your face

Blown by the cool autumn breeze

That whispers of a sadness not seen

For this is the day when love expressed itself in sacrifice

And now you lament the fate that she now holds

For the last bell has rung

And her part in your life has closed

Although her heart has stopped beating

She still has yours

And now with the flowers in hand

Her favorite bouquet a dark rose...

You use them to remember 

The only thing you can still love

Its her memory in your heart

Making you still go on

While she still holds a part of your soul

Sitting here on my laurels

Lamenting on my monotone days

Where each one seems like the other

I look back on the days I left behind

And wish I had done more

Instead of the bare minimum I did

When I let the Hours waste away

The broken dreams I left behind

I try to revive them

To give them life that they didn't have before

And I look back on those days

Not with sorrow but instead looking forward

Trying to catch up with my dreams

And stop wasting the days that may come

Walking Across the Shores

Have you walked across the shores?

In the moonlight, while holding a gaze

That no one could break

Because you had that something

The thoughts of a plan of a life you might lead

And places you will go

The things you will do

Did you still remember them?

When heartbreak comes

And your judgment is clouded

While you carry regret and anger

Fury begotten from unbreakable feelings

Because of things you couldn’t control

And the tempest rose and destroyed those shores.

While time seemed to slow down

For your life almost escaped you

As you were washed away by the crashing waves 

But you survived it all

And the storm was gone when a calm begot the new land

And the only thing you had left

The only thing you carried with you were your dreams.

Looking for a muse

Looking down a bygone time

Remebering that sweet burgundy rose 

That beckoned me back to find my muse

She is a calliope of wonderful places

Stories to be told to the people I see

Wherever I go I always will remain

In her heart, in our gaze

I thought in my bad memories

My sight would be lost of her

But that day has not come

Since I have known her

She stops the sorrowful days

By letting me venture forward

With the memories I keep

And the imagination in her heart

I ventured forth with her

And I found I was in a dream

Imagined and yet still known

On a path I still walk down

Searching for the long lost verse

Dead Romantic

In this mind beats the heart of a dead romantic

Summer time won’t bloom for him

But his words still speak through time

And I know what he thinks is true

Rediscovering his thoughts I saw what I lacked

How to judge what is beauty in the realm of the real 

It’s not in the complexity of it all

With lies that leave you empty

But in the simplicity of what we hold dear

That is where beauty lies

To seek it is to love, and to deny it hate

And single thought that truth is beauty

And that is all you need to know 

To change reality into a extension of the imagination

Using your heart to sow the seeds 

To see what dreams may come

Maybe it was an old romantic ideal

That made me realize what I was lacking

And what I could become.

La Belle Dame Avec V√©rit√© Absolue  

(Beautiful Women with absolute truth)

It isn't black roses on my cheek

Or the fear that I may cease to be

Or cold that I have been left out in

Like a lonely flower chilled in winter -

But to lose a simple game 

That war for my own mind.

For that is where my thougts reside

And this is a fight with the odds against me.

For I am always with my demons;

Their darkness rights upon my brain.

I was led into their halls

With mirrors of my dreams

And I saw what they wanted me to see.

They used the ailment,

A double-sided curse,

That wounds inside the dream.

I was always a knight with emerald armor

That takes up arms against his foes.

I cry out, La Belle Dame Avec Verite Absolue

And throw down my armor,

Used only to quell my fears.

I strive to find the balance,

To settle the devil in the details -

So my mind shall be calm;

To finally feel the wind,

The gaze that she holds within -

That makes me want to be

A Finite Amount of Time

A Finite Amount of Time

When our posessions break, our beauty fades, 

When our health is a fond memory, 

We realize money is meaningless.

And the seconds tick by

Like a testament to mortality,

We realize what we really need and want is time -

A moment to confess our love,

Minutes to write the verse.

Or a day to walk through the forest

With the trees all fading into colors

Waiting lazily for the end of the day

To watch the stars dance in the sky.

We realize the implicit beauty of creation:

That we only have a finite time -

But the things we can do

Are infinite.

The horse you never rode in on

While you have been riding off in the distance

Trying to find those golden cherubs

Your gallop seems to echo

Your pace tells of the sorrow that follows

But hope is on your face

And yet you still are lost

You listen to the sound 

The wind always had 

That you have never heard

It dissolves into a quiet forest

And then you hear a blue birds song

With blackbirds singing the bass line

Where you stand seems to strike a chord

That melts the tissues in your mind

You stare at the oak where the gig was

West the sun sets with red yellow dance

With the white knights that drop slowly on the day

It clears by its absence  and the singers fly off

Something Reminds of  feelings that catch up

Dove's that fly away linger in your mind

Remembering that sweet rhapsody that lingers still

The melody made of that something inconcievable

You stopped when the chords went wrong

And yet you still stand

Free Radical 

In the struggle we find ourselves in pain 

Being washed away by the tempest

And we can never break its spell

And then we find ourselves changed

An adaptation made during the battle

But we still are alone

But then someone gives us

Their hope from their heart

A sweetness unseen a melody not heard

Thats in your mind that I have seen

Which took my heart away

Listen to the sound of silence

Can you hear my heart that beats?

Did it dissolve the void within?

Listen to the oracles whim

Its the destiny that shall come to pass

But sometimes our lives have other paths

Do your lingering feelings still stand?

Something of you will always linger in my mind

Don't feel sorrow for me

When I almost let you slip threw

My grasp that was longing

And yet I found you

To fix the hole inside me

And my sorrow started to end

For the pain just stopped

When I saw what you had

Rain only falls once

It's the rain that you have felt

That you remember from a day long past

The rhythm of a somber melody

You hear as the droplets caress your face

The cool autumn breeze

Whispers of a sadness you hear

For this is the day

When love expressed itself in sacrifice

And now you lament

The fate she now holds

Her last bell has rung

And the song you shared has ended

Although her heart has stopped beating

She still has yours

Now with the flowers in your hand

Her favorite bouquet

The rainbow of roses that shown of her

Purity her beauty her grace

You use them to remember

The only thing you still can love

Its that something

That makes you go on

While she will always have a part of you

She gave you her spirit in her final hour

Fractures in the void

It seems a fractured life 

To walk it all alone

To fly without a friend

And cry without a shoulder

A fear of most it seems

But who asks us to change the song

To change the minor key

We think a knight in shimmering armor 

Shall come to save us 

But when we do find them

We either fear them

Or don't even persue them

Even when we know we should

Reach out to them

And try to change our lives

To make something out of

The void that is

Reality's Reflections

Sweet dreams child

May you awaken to them

The sights you shall see

Where the poets dream the muses dance

And the faery's kiss you in the distance

Or those long walks with your lover

That you would kiss in front of all

Under a cherub tree of lavendar

Or a fall tree of amber

For it is the dreams inside

That make the reality we see

Sweet Destiny

Sometimes my broken heart

Makes me feel like a lonely rose

Out in an autumn rain

Hoping that winter never comes

For it is that season

That breaks the rose

I feel the wind howling

And it seems like snow will fall

But you have been kindness

The sweet Indian summer

Where the rose basks in the sunlight

And prepairs for the next season

You revive my hope

To pull me out of sorrow

And I will always see you

As the rainbow after the storm

Lost sunshine

We all have glass hearts

With smooth curves that never lose the shine

That can be stolen and shattered

For who mends the pieces that cut

That we can lose the heart

And the shine is broken 

For it is love , that lavendar haze

Which mends and breaks our hearts

That binds us and seperates us

For you can drive miles and miles

And never find love that sits beside you

It sometimes is beauty

That you just can't see

Mirror of quicksilver

Mercury rising when we see ourselves

Impossible the choices we face

When all trials seem to fail

You look to the waters of life

And try to find the flow

It is then when you decide

To smell the roses while you run

And try paint your the sky

Its never where we want to go

Its where we truely are

And the struggle that realizes

That we must change our world

To get anywhere in life

And that is what makes up our lives

The knights tour

And this was my tour

On the board of life and death

Bloodshed that you could smell

For the sacrifices were equal

But my forces were prime

I pulled out a pin from my fair lady

And sacrificed the knight for a tall tower

For I have taken his options away

And the day ended with mate in the last rank


No god of war it seems to me

Only a goddess playing with Olives

For we see in times gone by

A waltz of leaders of those times

Revolution the rebirth from ashes

Peace a sublime lack of action

For whom does the sorid bell toll

Eris's delight With discord at hand

While soldiers stand for their doctrines at hand

One finds that without war no peace would come

And that a clear conflict may never come

Mortal Melody

Sometimes roses speak to me

A sweet song never heard by mortals like me

Crimson tells of matters inside

Beauty that is merely free

Velvets majesty leads to castles

Floating in the clear blue sky

Azure's imagination in bloom

Cultivating its own path into the day

A mortal melody 

A thought they hold

That lets them live

That gives them soul

For the emerald rose know's only

The truth at hand

Nothing ventured means nothing gained

One must find the exit door

The Tint of life

Maybe its that tinted skin

That hints of foreign lands not seen

Or a body you could drown in

That you can plainly see

Its that something I can't tell

That makes her what she is

For she carves ripples in my mind

Smooth as silk and clear as the sky

Her kindness like a warm touch

Thats soothing to the soul

Its this memory of her

That is wind at my back

And the friend at my side

It is merely that something

The thoughts I hold of her

That no one sees, that I desire

(Model: Erica Magda)

Flown the Coup

Her love has flown like the falcon

Threw the tree's and above the moon

After those last pink petals fell

You still didn't know what she was

What she meant to you

Now your left standing there

You feel naked without her

As night falls 

You weep a bed full of tears

As just another isolated pawn

Left there by a dominating queen

Tomorrow will never occur 

At least that is what you believe

And yet you still play the game

Echo's from the ocean

Eyes as blue as the ocean

Hair of flaxen music past

An echo of an atlantean dream

Majestic as the night sky

For she wants to learn the language of love

A foreign tougue of the Sun King

Their song still stands

As beautys manifest destiny

Its something in her eyes

Looking at me like a fey

Her stare is to me

As windows looking out at a rainbow

Eyes like the wildflower

That line the path to where it stood

Where mortals dare not tred

A velvet paradise of Eden 

Not perfection I have sought

For I would have found my goddess

But a queen I found

And I was seeking you

(Model: Alex Polly)

Broken flower

You see remnants of roses

Their flutter sounds like whispers

Of borrowed dreams that you have

Or fondness not spoken of

Their color reminds one of

A fury's heat once known

Passions flowering into a muse

With fire's warm touch

They rustle at your feet

Like petals that you picked

Falling remnants of love

Attempting to find the one

You wait at an imaginary place

Somewhere between the den of the real

And the garden of eden

Where your heart runs free

Searching with your soul

It found exactly what it sought

That something that just is

The one you just can't leave

Ethernal blade

Knight with ethernal blade

Who was your Vally Hi

Sight unseen can not redress

The mystery at umpton grace

For have you seen the sand's there

The bumglo's drop their flowers

Eternal on those journey men sands

"Calloo malay" They shout at you

As you find their star crossed women

A greeting in verse 

From an archaic ancient tougue

And yet you know what happened

For you were there; it was revealed to you

Now tell me now what you have seen

Lavender Haze

When your lost in that lavender haze

A phase that you might see opaque

Do you see yourself in it?

For you think you lost your muse

Inside the glass onion

Listen to your blue rose

To find where the emerald crystal lies

So your muse can be free

You find yourself in a forest

A autumn day of a yellow green wood

St Jude shows you the path 

And you find yourself where you started

Since you never really lost your muse

You merely lost yourself

What is weakness?

Is that pain weakness that makes us human?

For we live for the struggle

We die for the cause

And yet sometimes

Its not the pain that you feel

The one inside hurts much more

When it isn't weakness but merely lack of strength

You must make it leave

And find the strength within

To fight it and to win

Your friends can only show you the path

But it is only you that will be saved by you

False truth

And yet they said

For the pieces of culture were pure

Its faded glory still stood

Once they said that its destruction 

Would bring us to eden

Saving us from purgatories lingering spirit

On their last breath

When they belived replacement 

Would give salvation

We knew their affliction

Of the artifical utopia

And the truth of the real

That the converse satisifies

But the utopia never does

Forgotten Tune

When you hum a tune

Or play it

Someone hears it

When you remember a tune

That I have forgot

I'll smile at you if you play it back to me

When I have forgotten a song

Which was very dear to me

I'll thank you when I hear it from you

And yet someone has sung a tune

That was that tune you never forget

When I have forgotten it

I shall thank you not in words

Or pictures that you will interpret

But in another song you may remember

Foreground, Backound

We see the petals fall

The breeze carrys wind around

Petals of a pastel pink

That foreground of a major key

With a lucid flow of melody

The scene reminds you

Of dreams that may come

And yet you still see

Whats behind it all

The scheme

For when I found the holy lisp

So pure the curves that are parens

With a report merely one short text

Of beauty's simplicty

I knew that lisp was for me

But then there was a choice

Of thousand page lisp's

That is when I prayed for mercy

My goddess answered my call

With the flowers of recursion

And the lexical wildflower of scope

All around the syntax tree

I heard "Scheme shall show you the path

To beauty through simplicity

Not a thousand page tower of babel

But merely the essential fraction"

And I rejoiced and heeded her call

Found the purple tome of wizard's

The structure of the spells

And their interpretation

My eyes have been opened

To the spells of functions

And the beauty that lies

In the scheme that is

The wind of change

The storm has ended

A sweet nothing fills your senses

Yet I still smell the change

Patterns you can find

In the choices you make

But not all patterns are true

Some might be true others are dead ends

But you can still hold onto one

Sometimes you must let them go

With information thats forced down our throats

Patterns we must see

But are there ones we may not recognize?

But some you will never see

Even though beauty may fade

You still hold on to it

For even a catepillar changes

Into a butterfly and

That is the power of change

Can either cause a tempest

Or quell a storm

But it is the butterflies choice

Even if it doesn't realize

Its true power

Even if its broken

It can be mended

But it will never be like it was

For it will find the path

That will still save it even

If its a fundamental fault

You can still see your dreams

And survive when your breath is almost gone

Will you die with no means to an end

Or create anew 

To live without fear

And then you shall see

That even the broken arrow

Can stil hit the mark in the sky

It just takes time

It is when you see yourself

The wonders that may pass

You shall still see what is in front of you

An Discord To Eris

She always knew where her towel was

For has ridden with hell's angel's

And sung better than any choir

And her answer to all is written in the texts

But she has saved me

Giving me meaning where there was nothing

I have seen her in the times of light

Or in my darkess hour

Telling me how to pull through

She had the smell of fairy dust

But I could never comprehend her 

For she is like the unknown aleph

Her infinite nature that is undecidable

When I looked into her eyes of amber

There was a coolness unseen

Like the grace she has

When you see her afar

You could hear her sing her sweet song

As she strolled on by not even looking at me

Her dress was provocative at best

At worst it left nothing to the imagination

All golden like the apple she had

The inscription I saw

But you could see the dagger she hid

And fear was in my brow

But I was shaken not by her

Instead by what she said

A speech of discord

I am within you and without you

If you try to oppose me it will be in vain

You cannot fight the disorder

For in any closed system I exist

But if you follow my lead

If you are my subject and use me

I can make your dreams into destiny

For I will be your imaginations limits

And the only thing that is keeping you

Is the psychic armor that you hold dear

Throw that away and awaken 

To the wonders that your mind holds

A negative Delta

And then my armor waned 

It slipped off suddenly

Into a mental morphism 

When the world started to become 

Somewhere in between reality

And voices of the surreal in the distance

I had to find the balance within

I held the remmnants of the armor I had

And I realized I still had my armor

But It had changed 

And I could use the blade of the delta

To find where I stood

My world of dreams had ended

Instead the world of implementation awaited

And all I had to do

Was not be afraid

Wishing for Forgetting

And yet I was faced with the burden

Of wanting to forget

To wish away the darkness

And one pill could make it true to welcome the new day

When I opened my new mind

As Calm as the waters on the bay

I raced to fill it with new memories

But as I awoke the next day

I started to miss the things I never knew

The places I never saw

Things I thought I could wish away

But now I wanted back

As the day turned to dusk

I wish I could hold a candle

And see through the darkness

To find what I wished away

In hastened thoughts

Not thinking of the consequences

Of losing what I cherished most

For I couldn't remember the memories

Of the life I once had


Sitting here on my laurels

Lamenting on my monotone days

Where each one seems like the other

I look back on the days I left behind

And wish I had done more

Instead of the bare minimum I did

When I let the Hours waste away

The broken dreams I left behind

I try to revive them

To give them life that they didn't have before

And I look back on those days

Not with sorrow but instead looking forward

Trying to catch up with my dreams

And stop wasting the days that may come